A Huge Week for #Girlbosses Everywhere!
Taylor Swift steps on the "Gasoline," Olivia Wilde has a lot of (literal) baggage, Rita Wilson comes out as a Belieber, Cruella rules, fan-casting Paddington 3, and more rated Top Shelf to Low Brow
Hello again! Here we are, another Monday. Another chance to rate both notable and not-so-memorable pop culture occurrences from last week as Top Shelf or Low Brow. I’m happy to say I had a short preliminary job interview this morning that went well. After only eight months of searching, imagine that! Hoping for good things.
Last week, I started watching Veneno and rewatching Gallery Girls. You make think these shows have nothing in common, but that’s only because they don’t. Unless, of course, you count the fact that they both star powerful groups of women! I’m only on the third episode of Veneno, but I can already tell it’s one of the most beautiful and special things I’ve ever seen. This, however, is my third time watching Gallery Girls and it only gets more and more psycho-nutty every time I watch it. I love it so much. I imagine the high of being a naive New York art girl in 2012 was better than any drug.
I still don’t understand what’s happening on WandaVision. I’m not sure I’m supposed to? Also, I can’t stop thinking about this shirt Gina Gershon wears in demonlover, which I watched the 2k restoration of last week and adored.
That’s gossip! If you can’t already tell, this was the week of the #Girlboss, the take-charge maven mamas of pop culture. Let’s get started and see what some of our favorite girlies are up to this week.
Top Shelf, Low Brow: February 15 – February 21
Never did I think I’d be covering Olivia Wilde multiple times in this newsletter
I find deuxmoi fascinating. An entirely Instagram-based gossip site that has built an absurd following and loyal tip base in such a short amount of time. Maybe the first successful Gossip Girl after several sites spent years trying to cultivate that same vibe and failed miserably. I mean, Julianne Moore is following deuxmoi.
I often oscillate between voraciously reading every story they post with frantically tapping through them at light speed when I can’t quite be bothered to care about unverified rumors, which is rarely. Late last Monday I was the former and happily stumbled onto this Olivia Wilde update. While it’s no secret I feel Ms. Wilde has wrecked my home and betrayed me by stealing my longtime love Harry Styles, her current romantic situation demands that I keep up with her. And while it’s completely bonkers that she’s moving in with Harry already, I certainly can’t blame her! But to look at the photos of her moving her luggage from her car to his home and phrase it like this is just genius:
“She’s always schlepping bags.” She’s always schlepping bags! Because my knowledge of Olivia Wilde’s pre-Harry life was only peripheral, I wasn’t sure if this was true, so of course, I had to take to the Web, or as Eleanor Waldorf would say, “Bing it!” And oh my fucking god she is always schlepping bags!!! Olivia Wilde never moved on from the mid-2000s chunky bag trend. Olivia haphazardly throws her phone, six green juices, a lipstick, a hairbrush, two watermelon lipsmackers, a pair of Keds, and a pack of American Spirit yellows into her Dooney & Bourke and just trudges around Hollywood all day. What a life.
I can’t talk any further about the photos of her hugging Jason Sudeikis goodbye after moving her belongings out of their home because I am extremely darked out by it. Poor Ted Lasso. You can run into my arms.
(Rating: Top Shelf, obsessed with her bag obsession. Two Olivia Wilde Top Shelf ratings in a row…I guess she won after all.)
Taylor Swift Slammed Her Foot Onto That “Gasoline” and said LET’S GO 😤
I’ve been through enough years of Taylor Swift stanhood to admit immediately when I think something isn’t working. I was an early (read: immediate, the night of) detractor of “ME!,” a song I’ll admit stays stuck in my head even after just typing the title; I still don’t think 1/3 of Red is good; “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” is one of the most cringeworthy tracks of the 2010s. I didn’t expect that I’d have to add to this list with her feature on the rework of HAIM’s “Gasoline,” but unfortunately, I can’t win all the time.
Swift takes the second verse on the rework and barrels in with a yell. “I GET SAD!!!!!” Her vocals are so blown out on the mic that she sounds like Alison Mosshart compared to the Haim girls. It’s a strange choice, and for me, it just doesn’t work. Especially when compared to the lovely, soft harmonies she added to the song’s final two choruses and its bridge, not to mention the foursome’s superb storytelling country collaboration, “no body, no crime,” from evermore back in December. But whatever! With the amount of music she gave us last year and the upcoming releases of the rerecorded, “Taylor’s Version” sets of her old albums, I couldn’t possibly “GET SAD!!!!!!!!!”
(Rating: Low Brow, I’m sorry please don’t have my head!!!!)
Run Don’t Walk: Bella Hadid Baking on Insta
Every now and then (probably at least once a week), I come across something that feels so seminal, so important, so critical that it becomes part of my own personal Run Don’t Walk beat that I’ve been covering in my head for years like the little small-town public interest puff piece journalist I was probably supposed to be.
This week, that thing is Bella Hadid’s cinnamon rolls. The Hadid sisters have been doing a number on me with their food-based Instagram stories lately. First, there was Gigi Hadid’s granola review series, of which I’m still waiting for a Part 2. Now, my favorite Hadid has taken to cooking up a storm as part of her ongoing spiritual renewal and documenting it on her story, which I couldn’t be more grateful for. Last week, she made ramen that looked amazing. This week, it’s cinnamon rolls. I am desperate to try Bella Hadid’s cooking. I don’t know why, I just know it’s good. Weirdly, I don’t think I’ve ever written about my Bella infatuation here, but it’s well documented over on Instagram in a highlight called, naturally, “bella moods.” I just think she’s beautiful and captivating. Wholly enigmatic! Like, who puts chocolate chips on their cinnamon rolls? Run don’t walk.
(Rating: Low Brow for the chocolate chips, Top Shelf for the cinnamon rolls alone)
Rita Wilson said, “Watch your back, Hailey BALDWIN!”
Rita Wilson has had a tough 365 days. Remember, she and Mr. Larry Crowne were like, the first celebrities to get COVID. And that horror show was just fresh off when her hair and makeup team were no-shows before the Golden Globes. Rita Wilson has had it rough! So I was thrilled to discover that despite the endless trials and tribulations she’s been plagued by over the last year, the only sickness she remains ill with is Bieber Fever.
Wilson took to TikTok last week to deliver a gorgeous adult contemporary cover of Justin Bieber’s 2012 hit “As Long As You Love Me,” from his album Believe. Unfortunately, this is where I have to admit to you that I did not know Rita Wilson had a musical side hustle. Like any self-respecting gay person in their 20s, I know Rita from her long and storied career in television and film, particularly her unforgettable line reading of, “Three pies?! Oh, this is a feast!” in Nancy Meyers’ 2010 soft-porno It’s Complicated. So I was both shocked and elated when I stumbled onto her Instagram to find that she was out here covering a Bieber song! This is huge for me, a 50-year old mom at heart who owns multiple physical copies of Sara Bareilles and Sheryl Crow albums. I truly hope that she’ll be generous enough to grace us with a warm, soulful adult contemporary rendition of Nicki Minaj’s verse from “Beauty and a Beat” next. Buns out, wiener, but I gotta keep an eye out for the Rit-errrr. Also, just found out Rita Wilson’s full first name is Margarita. Writing this newsletter gives me so much.
(Rating: Top Shelf, I’m literally listening to Rita’s albums right now. Also, I keep wanting to call her “Rita Ora” and had to correct myself at least five times in this letter before going to press.)
I Care A Lot. Or, When You Girlboss So Hard You Start Getting Scared
I Care A Lot about Rosamund Pike’s pin-straight bob in I Care A Lot. I can’t thank Netflix enough for giving her the chance to grab her Conair Unbound Cordless Flat Iron and freak it the fuck out for another power-hungry blonde role. What I wouldn’t give to be watching I Care A Lot. at an AMC Theater for an early Saturday afternoon matinee, an amuse-bouche for the debauchery of the night to follow. Had circumstances been different, maybe I would’ve ridden the subway downtown to the financial district in hopes of taking a lover in the form of an annoying Wall Street bro dressed in gaudy, expensive menswear like Chris Messina.
Unfortunately, I watched it at home on my couch after eating a burrito bowl. C’est la vie, I suppose!
(Rating: Top Shelf for Rosamund’s hair and the film, actually!)
Cruella Will Be Good and Then You Will All See!
Serious question for the culture: when did we all decide to put the kibosh on fun? I was under the impression that we were all looking forward to Cruella, the Emma Stone-led origin story of the infamous fashion-forward Disney villainess! Were we not? Was it just me? I seem to remember the reaction to this picture being quite favorable.
I know nothing can ever come close to the Glenn Close’s devilishly fun performance in the live-action 101 Dalmatians and its sequel, but come on! Emma Stone is doing the accent work! The clothes and cinematography look fabulous, tons of fun set pieces, and surely loads of deliciously campy dog-spotted goodness. It’s Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl season 2 set in 1980s London like what is not to love! Or did you all just turn on Emma Stone for no reason like you did with Anne Hathaway from 2010-2013? Can’t relate, baby! That’s a train I never boarded and I have the old tumblr receipts to prove it.
I can’t go through Cruella discourse until May. I just can’t do it. Don’t make me. Please!
(Rating: Top Shelf even though no one seems to agree with me, just remember this moment in May when you’ve all changed your opinions!)
Fan-Casting Paddington 3, the Future Fourth-Wave Feminist Masterpiece
Well, it’s official. The weird clicking in my jaw has returned. And so will Paddington! Variety confirmed this week that Studiocanal is in “active development” of a third movie in the franchise. I can’t think of anything more welcome than a new film starring my favorite marmalade-loving mammal. Like I said a few weeks ago, I’d like to throw Elizabeth Hurley’s jam jars straight from the larder into the ring for the third installment’s villain. Even if it can’t be our favorite bawdy babe, it has to be someone who isn’t American because I don’t want the stain of this country anywhere near the Paddington universe. So because Paddington is a little cartoon bear voiced by a gay man and not a woman, let me put some other powerful ladies from across the pond up for consideration.
Rosamund Pike as Joan Lynne Burrows, The Scientist
Fresh off I Care A Lot., Pike has proven once more that she’s more than happy to play the ruthless villain. And with her agent bringing such a dearth of good scripts her way, Pike vs. Paddington could really be the ticket she needs to have every great director banging down her door, the way they should have the minute the Gone Girl credits rolled. I see her playing an evil scientist who wants to extract whatever gene allows Paddington to speak and will happily take a life or two to get what she wants. This could be the first Paddington film with a death. Could be a great way to introduce kids to the concept!
Marianne Jean-Baptiste as Tabitha St. Germaine, The Realtor
After a role in a similar live-action/CGI hybrid, Peter Rabbit, and another as a woman who’s attacked by a cursed dress in 2018’s In Fabric, there’s no question Marianne Jean-Baptiste is down for something a little offbeat but still kid-friendly. I see her playing a dastardly realtor that tries to evict Paddington and the Brown family from their comfortable townhouse by any means necessary after their neighborhood becomes one of the most sought-after in London. She’s an expert in property law and will find any loopholes she can to make sure the Brown family and their little bear never meddle in her commission again!
Toni Collette/Cate Blanchett as Kip and Karp Lemons, The Evil Twins
After Nicole Kidman played the Anna Wintour-bobbèd villain in the first Paddington film, there’s no reason Studiocanal can’t cast another Aussie actress…or how about two? This time around, I propose it’s a double bill of iconic blondes. In my vision, Collette and Blanchett (lotta hard Ts here) play a set of evil, unscrupulous identical twins who want to kidnap Paddington and take him back down under to live as their pet. In the film, Paddington and the Brown family continually tell the pair that there’s no possible way that they can be identical, but they won’t listen. They dress the exact same. Lots of fun gags and twin/no twin humor. Could really play great with an audience!
(Rating: Top Shelf for more of my beloved cartoon bear!)
Well, that’s it for this week! I’m off to eat a salad and reckon with my burgeoning attraction to Paul Bettany after making my way to his Instagram. Ms. Wanda better hold onto her robotic hunk while she can, I’ve got a Vision…of myself in white!
Until Friday, I implore you to start Veneno, binge Gallery Girls, and watch both Paddington films so we can discuss casting prospects before Studiocanal calls me in a few weeks after they see this newsletter. Talk to you on Friday! 💖