The Fabulous Farce of Fergie Ferg: Part Three
The release of Fergie's long-delayed second album saw both sides of her artistry clash in one unforgettable spectacle: MILFs, the National Anthem, and Fergdemption
In the first edition of the Fabulous Farce of Fergie Ferg, we oscillated around time and space to introduce the uninitiated to the wacky world of Stacy Ferguson, international pop sensation and misunderstood performance artist. In the second entry, we reflected on moments in her legendary career when the public’s reception of Fergie the superstar shifted, with the media trying to make her a pop culture martyr but with Ms. Ferguson rising from the ashes each time. Today, we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of the two to discuss a pivotal, months-long period of madness: the release and promotion of Double Dutchess.
We won’t be talking too much about the album itself, but more so the whirlwind of madness that surrounded its development, promotion, and aftermath. It’s quite a tale, one that can only be told in three chapters, each one a notoriously Fergalicious tent pole in the album’s rollout.
Chapter One: Dawn of The Dutchess, Morn of the MILF
From the start, the release of Double Dutchess was plagued with misfortune. Its first single, “L.A. Love,” was released in September 2014…three years before the album even had a release date. Though the song received generally positive reviews, Fergie went silent and for almost two more years. That is, until the first day of July 2016, when the second single, “M.I.L.F. $,” was surprise-released. Thanks to the song’s celebrity-studded, cameo-filled video, “Em-Eye-Ell-Eff Dollar Sign” managed to briefly break the internet, making it the biggest song in the world…for one whole day.
In the context of Fergie’s twisted mind, this version of “MILF” stood for Moms I’d Like to Follow, a choice that was all about “empowering women who do it all…they have a career, a family, and still find time to take care of themselves and feel sexy – with a wink of course.” It’s an interesting concept, mostly because it makes no sense within the context of the song. It’s even less coherent in the concept for the video. The song’s lyrics turn the phrase “milk money” into “MILF money” – a natural resource which Ferguson has apparently stockpiled – and the video takes place in the fictional (duh) town of Milfville, a place where residents and fellow hot moms like Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigan, Ciara, and a slew of other famous model matriarchs like Devon Aoki and Amber Valletta flaunt their lovely post-labor lady lumps.
In this behind the scenes video, Fergie, director Colin Tilley, and the cast of celebs all try to make sense of the video’s concept out loud and immediately stumble over themselves. It makes me laugh every time. Nothing about it makes any sense, the video should absolutely not work. And yet? It’s impeccable, maybe the best music video Fergie ever made and one of the most underrated visuals of the 2010s. The celebrity cameos are still impressive, the sets and cinematography look gorgeous and insanely expensive, and Fergie has her tongue planted firmly in her cheek the entire time. The “M.I.L.F. $” video takes a song that’s a solid 3 and elevates it to an 8.
Which makes it all the more disappointing that the hype quickly died down after no solid release dates for Double Dutchess appeared in the days following. Fergie may have been affirming her title as Hacienda Heights Spelling Bee champ of 1988 by spelling a whole new host of words that she hadn’t covered in “Glamorous” and “Fergalicious” (INDEPENDENT, BROKE, and PAID are all spoken letter-for-letter in “M.I.L.F. $”) but even the memes that drummed up weren’t enough to convince Interscope that the Fergie had recaptured enough of an audience for the album to be released.
In the following months, Fergie went back to the studio to finish up the record, remaining mostly silent until that fall, when she geared up to release the third single from the album. Perhaps you’ll remember a certain election that happened in November 2016 which brought the world an unprecedented level of global distress? Yes, that one. Well, in a grave mistake of timing, Fergie had already been slated to release a new single the week after the election of Donald Trump. Its title? “Life Goes On.”
It’s an earnest message in a harmless little song, and perhaps Fergie and her team at Interscope even believed that it could be an anthem that the world needed in its current state. “The universe works in really weird ways,” she said in an interview with People. “It just felt like the world needs healing, needs a pep talk, and this song was kind of a pep talk to myself.” Needless to say, the song and its message were ignored for more pressing issues (despite the most pressing issue being the status of Fergie’s album) and the release flew completely under the radar, causing further issues between Interscope and Fergie.
Months passed with zero news of the state of Double Dutchess until May 2017, when news broke that Fergie and Interscope were parting ways after coming to a mutual agreement that let Fergie retain the catalogue she had recorded under their contract, taking it to her own label in partnership with BMG. Then, in the early hours of July 30th, before anyone even had time for an almond-milf latte, Double Dutchess leaked online in its entirety.
There was no choice left other than a rushed out album release. Days later, Double Dutchess was put up for preorder, with the tracklist only slightly reordered from the leaked version, no songs missing or added. At the beginning of September, Fergie released her highly (yes, highly! the Barbz are ravenous okay) anticipated collaboration with Nicki Minaj, “You Already Know.” And, because Murphy’s Law should really be renamed Stacy’s Law, the video had to be reuploaded four times before whoever was working at BMG that day uploaded the version with the right effects. But it didn’t impede the song! It’s one of the album’s best tracks, with a standout Nicki verse that she actually didn’t phone in. Side note: Nicki made an appearance at a MAC event that month and went toe to toe with a fan, rapping the verse together. The video makes me laugh every time…he kinda ate her up.
On September 22, 2017, three years after its first single was released, Double Dutchess finally dropped. The album received positive to mixed reviews, with most critics praising Fergie’s ability as an entertainer more than the music. Almost every review had the word “fun” shoved in it somewhere, but more as a consolation compliment than a genuine sentiment. A lot of it, however, is fun! But that’s not what we need to talk about. What we need to talk about is the album’s visual component, Double Dutchess: Seeing Double, a music film composed of one video for each song that was released in an exclusive event in iPic luxury theaters for one night only. Try as I might, I cannot uncover sales figures for this one-night event, but maybe my fear is holding me back searching hard enough.
Had I been in the vicinity of an iPic that night, I would’ve forked over the money for a ticket, if only to say that I got to try some of the custom dishes from the luxury in-theater dining experience that included: The Boss Burger with Double Dutchess French Fries (truffle fries with parmesan which, if you know me, I would’ve gone wild for) and alcoholic treats like the MILF $HAKE, the GLMR, and, yes, the Fergarita. I’d give almost anything to be able to go back in time for just that one night, happily working my way through my third Fergarita and shoving Double Dutchess fries down my gullet, sloshed and watching the shockingly stylish set of videos that accompanied the album’s songs with the fellow four Fergsters who were able to make it that night. The hooting and hollering we’d do when it was time for “M.I.L.F. $” would be worth the price of admission alone.
It’s something I feel I deserve. I would’ve gone broke that night, ordering rounds for everyone in the theater, ensuring that a portion of the proceeds was somehow going to Fergie. After such a long and tumultuous road, she had finally arrived. The album was here! The sales figures, however, were not. Double Dutchess debuted at #19 on the Billboard 200 in its first week, dropped to 131 in its second, and fell out in its third with a disappointing 1,697 copies sold that week.
It was just the beginning of the public pushing against The Ferg. They say it’s always darkest before the dawn, but the Dawn of the Dutchess had passed, and the darkness was still threatening to consume our Glamorous Girl.
Chapter Two: “Let’s Play Some Basketball!”
A few months after the flopping of Double Dutchess and two months after crashing the stage of the TrevorLIVE Gala to…let’s say…incoherently promote “A Little Work,” Fergie was ready for her redemption. Armed with unassailable talent and confidence unmatched by any other pop star, Fergie accepted the invitation to sing the National Anthem at the NBA All-Stars Game in February.
2018 was supposed to be her year. Finally. Finally. After a tumultuous few years that brought her a divorce, multiple album delays resulting in a stalled career, a label dispute, an album leak, and thousands of dollars of her own money put into making a visual album that unfortunately failed to capture the public’s attention because of all the years separated from its predecessor, it was time for Fergie to catch a break. And this was her ticket! Being asked to perform at this game was an acknowledgment of her talents, her signature Fergie Ferg style. So why give the people anything less than what they want? Clearly, if they wanted her for the Anthem, they wanted Fergie, not the same tired rendition that you can’t swing a bag at on YouTube without hitting twenty of. Like her mentor, Frank “Labels or Love” Sinatra, it was time for Fergie to do it her way – and she knew just the way to do it.
Now one year into the Trump presidency, Fergie clearly felt emboldened to use this platform to make a statement that would not be forgotten. How could she take that stage and be complicit with the evils happening in America by lending her iconic baritone to one of the most flagrant displays of pageantry and propaganda? That simply would not be very Fergalicious of her. So, she devised an ingenious plan: killer vocals but massacred delivery - a veiled criticism to the blind patriotism that led to a country under siege by forces threatening to destroy it, and a tribute to the strength of the average American fighting to survive it. You may be able to rip apart the style of her performance, but you’d never be able to strip her of the talent and art that brought her that stage.
On February 18, 2018, Stacy Ann Ferguson took the floor to a waiting audience and unleashed the most truly unforgettable rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner ever performed. Gaga? Can’t compare. Whitney? Even that all-timer pales in comparison to the sheer spectacle of what Fergie did that day.
Things, honestly, started out pretty good. Maybe a little shaky, but not terrible. However, it quickly derails when Fergie makes it clear that she’s not willing to play by America’s rules. Through her wails, growls, and groans, Fergie was summoning a demon, the demon of disgusting, blind nationalism – and she was intent on destroying it. When she hits the high note of “THYART OUR FLAG WUUUUUS STILL THERE…..WOOOOAOAAOAAAHHH!” it should be clear to anyone with a mind for true art that Fergie is making fun of America. And if not then, then certainly they’d get it by “BAAAAANNNNN-ER-YER-ERRRR YET WAVE.” But NO. As Fergie ricocheted between flat and sharp, America laughed on. They didn’t understand the meaning. They didn’t understand art. They didn’t understand Fergie.
As I have so dutifully tried to convey to you, Fergie has refused to play by the rules from day one. She’s not going to do things the way that anyone wants her to. And when you ask her to perform the Star-Spangled Banner, you should know that she’s going to hit frequencies that only dogs and foreign satellites can pick up. If you don’t know what you’re in for, that’s entirely on you. All Fergie can do is be Fergie. And America proved her point: this country and all of its citizens are so blinded by the norms of patriotism that any deviation from the norm is immediately refuted as bad. No one wants to look between the melodies for a deeper meaning. That day was a confirmation that, once again, Fergie is so 3008 and you’re so 2000-and-late.
This was Fergie’s most misunderstood moment, the moment she was most martyred for her art. She was lampooned for days on every media outlet known to man, and worse, on Twitter. The memes were relentless and entirely too harsh. You think Fergie disrespected the country but you’re disrespecting the woman who gave us “London Bridge”? Grow up. That’s treason.
Chapter 3: A Fergie for the People
Fergie’s Instagram comments remained off for months. After her instantly infamous performance (which is difficult to get, not everybody has that), she had to release a statement apologizing for her art. To be completely serious with you, it’s a statement that honestly makes my heart hurt, I can feel the sadness in it. I literally teared up typing it.
“I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the National Anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA,” she told TMZ. “I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.” Like all misunderstood artists, Fergie eventually felt the pressure of the public was too great and rescinded her middle finger to blind nationalism. The weight of the mirror she held up to America was simply too heavy. But coming to her rescue was one Mariah Carey who, when asked to give advice to the criticism, also told TMZ that “Darling, nobody needs to listen to that!” Precisely, Mimi. You know who Fergie should listen to? The woman who made “The Roof.” That’s the only seal of approval Fergie needs.
After a few months off to dedicate some time to motherhood, Fergie returned back on the scene one blustery morning in New York City. Invited to be a presenter at PaleyHonors, an annual event held by the Paley Center dedicated to celebrating a different facet of the entertainment industry every year. It would be an easy way for her to ease herself back into the public eye a bit before she began her stint as a presenter on the two-season FOX reality show The Four, which no one watched.
But even the smallest things haven’t always come easy for our Hacienda Heights Hero. On the way to the event, a torrential rainstorm hit New York, which likely caused major gridlock because everyone in New York freaks out over any kind of weather. But no matter, Fergie was thinking on her sensible Fergie Footwear stiletto heels! She decided to turn it into an adventure, documenting her journey from Columbus Circle to Cipriani Wall Street, and for those who don’t know, that would usually be a pretty easy, straight shot on the 123 Line. But in a severe New York thunderstorm, all of us little, stupid idiots who live here scurry underground like the rats we are to try to get on the subways, which then become horribly crowded hellscapes, especially in the hot, thick humidity of a May thunderstorm.
But Fergie is triumphant, she’s a fighter. Just months ago she had been through some of the cruelest public humiliation one could ever endure – no rain or crowded conditions were going to stop her from getting to her gig!
Dressed in full glam and head to toe white, Fergie braved the grime and grit of the MTA and put it all on Instagram. “Hello, New York! We are taking the subway” she said, with the endearing excitement of a tourist just getting on the train for the first time. Pressed against the emergency door between subway cars (where I always think people will meet their death when they needlessly walk through), which is usually one of the only available spots in a situation like this, Fergie looks at her assistant holding the phone: “So we’re taking the subway because a tropical storm hit New York!” It was not a tropical storm, by the way. Moments later, ushered away by her team at their first transfer, she prepares to exit. “Here we go!” She’s giddy. Fergie’s childlike joy after enduring such hardship is palpable, and it makes me deeply miss the excitement of running to an event and being just slightly late on the subway, always checking the time. When it all boils down, Fergie is just like you and me: human.
The next story shows Fergie on her second packed train, instantly recognized by her adoring public. A fellow passenger grabs their phone and plays “Glamorous,” which you know is already saved to their phone for offline listening because the trains don’t have service between the stations! Another stream for Fergie! There were no fingers being pointed, no National Anthem-related insults being hurled from across the car. It was just a good, old-fashioned New York moment: a regular passenger meeting a celebrity, sharing a minute together. But at this moment, Fergie was not just a celebrity - she was a woman. A mom. An artist. Though she eventually made it to her stop and returned to the Fergalicious life of a globally recognized star, she was, for one glorious moment, infinite. Known to everyone, but one of us. A woman for the people.
It was the beginning of a road to redemption, on which Fergie still finds herself. As a true performance artist, she has been both revered and reviled for her work, forever stuck between the old, the new, and the ether outside - where the inspiration lies. Over 20 years in the public eye, and it never gets easier. But the art sticks. Whether it’s anti-capitalist howls and front flips on TODAY, peeing her pants prior to Poseidon peril, or promoting her sophomore album with truly brazen, unforgettable moments on the mic, Fergie will always and forever be known as one of the most prolific performance artists to ever live. I love her, truly I do. I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but ribbing the people you love is love!
This marks the end of The Fabulous Farce of Fergie Ferg…for now. There are many more moments that I want to cover. The series will return one day, probably when I have enough expendable income to justify dropping $25 on a bottle of Fergalicious label wine to sample and review along with a few more outrageous Fergie moments. (Gift subscriptions make a great present for that special Fergie-lover in your life this Valentine’s!) Thank you so much for joining me this past month, I’m so glad that so many of you reached out to tell me how much you loved this and what your favorite moments are. Now we all move forward together, our lives enriched forever by the constant companionship of our Clumsy queen. Onward. Now let me see your MILF Shake!
[Find Parts 1 and 2 of The Fabulous Farce of Fergie Ferg below. I encourage you to spread the message far and wide, and if you enjoy it, subscribe!]
