What's In & What's Out for Summer 2021
A certified list of what is and is not trendy this season for 50th edition of Top Shelf, Low Brow!
What makes me a tastemaker? Well, besides my delusions of grandeur and the slight hints of narcissistic personality disorder I sometimes exhibit? I believe in faking it until you make it, an ideology that has worked wonders for both my mental health and career over the years. When I started this newsletter, I did it with the intention of ruminating on and diving deep into the parts of pop culture that interest me the most. I didn’t know if it would work, I’ve always found that my mixture of interests can be sort of fringe, even if they may not always seem that way. I don’t gel with everybody, but I know that there are people out there who get it — and surprisingly a lot of them have found their way to this newsletter! Top Shelf, Low Brow has no set criteria for what it covers, other than that it has to be so great, so bad, and/or so insanely bonkers that it becomes a permanent fixture in my big fat head. So, in honor of this being the 50th(!!!) edition of the newsletter, I wanted to do a one-time departure from the normal Friday letter structure and instead mold the idea behind Top Shelf, Low Brow onto a set of Ins & Outs for Summer 2021.
So, enjoy! There’s no real set order to these, some Ins and Outs are directly related and some are their own statements. Don’t take it too seriously but also take it extremely seriously, you know?
Out: Iced coffee
The conversation surrounding iced coffee is actually the most boring one that exists, no, persists still today! Not only does iced coffee dilute your overall flavor profile, but it’s just so easy to gulp down. I order an iced coffee and it’s gone within 2 minutes of me getting ahold of it. I can’t practice that kind of self-control. In fact, self-control is also out for this summer, especially when it comes to beverages.
In: Scalding hot coffee (preferably black)
I can’t think of anything cooler than a searing hot cup of java this summer. Hot coffee is more immediate, more commanding. Hot coffee in the summer is not so much a statement of bravery as it is a statement of you being serious about your caffeine vehicle. It shows an appreciation for not only the taste but the experience of having the coffee itself.
Out: Ironic eBay buys
A vintage Reba shirt is rad. Buying a vintage Reba shirt without knowing the lyrics to “Whoever’s In New England” — or, by god, at least “Fancy” — is willfully obtuse.
In: Falling into eBay holes to buy shit you don’t need but now can’t live without
There is nothing more chic than buying something off eBay, especially if you make your purchase after spending days sifting through thousands of results and narrowing down the best possible price when factoring in shipping costs. I still find that eBay has the best hidden gems out there, and since we’re absolutely not buying off anything off Amazon this summer, I want to see your eBay watchlists stacking full of tchotchkes and trinkets.
Out: Paying your student loans
The chances of anyone in the Biden administration making good on their promises to cancel student debt grow slimmer by the day, and yet, why should you pay them when people in power keep dangling the chance of having them canceled in front of you? Keep deferring! If you must pay, pay the absolute minimum! The government isn’t getting a dime out of me until they give me my goddamn federal refund.
In: Using money for your student loans to watch Barefoot Contessa on Discovery+
There is a total of 28 seasons combined of both Barefoot Contessa and Barefoot Contessa: Back to Basics available on Discovery+. At just $4.99 a month, we are going back to basics by canceling subscriptions to every other streaming service (except HBO Max, actually…Gossip Girl premieres July 8th!) and indulging in the comforting delights of Ina Garten and her long-running, ultra-comforting Food Network anthology series. Ryan Murphy wishes.
Out: Saying literally anything negative about someone else’s physical appearance
I can’t think of a better way to say, “I’m a big, giant, profusely unhappy weirdo whose opinions don’t matter” than by remarking on someone’s physical appearance with anything other than a genuine compliment.
In: Crying profusely, in public or at home
It is so beyond In to cry. If you can weep, even better. Wailing sobs are great. You can and should do this wherever possible, even if it’s in public. The world is yours for the bawling.
Out: Poppers
What can I say? Poppers are out for Summer 2021. You can get the same rush by strengthening your relationship with God and listening to “Rock With U” by Janet Jackson.
In: Acne (but also skincare!)
Despite looking in the mirror and feeling cute, sexy, and fly, I still struggle with acne at 26 goddamn years old, sometimes worse than I did when I was a teenager. I’ve modified my diet, altered my skincare regime, washed my pillowcases, everything. Nevertheless, she (acne) persisted! Skincare is important, and you should definitely develop a regimen that works for you, but it can also be very costly. I currently do not have a lot of money and therefore can’t afford a dermatologist appointment or to test a bunch of new products other than the ones I currently use, but I am tired of feeling bad about my skin in the meantime. Acne is absolutely in.
Out: TikTok Recipes
No more baked blocks of feta and tomatoes in oceans of oil. Please. I can’t take it anymore. The whipped coffee from the start of the pandemic? It was so bad. This is also another great reason to be bingeing Barefoot Contessa.
In: Learning how to cook a meal at home
Too many people I know do not have a repertoire of more than two basic meals they’re able to make at home. And by “meal,” I don’t mean any version of pasta with red sauce — unless you’re Italian and talkin’ ‘bout tha Sunday gravy! I dearly need you all to learn how to fend for yourself outside of takeout. Takeout is takeout.
Out: “Liking” someone’s message on Instagram or Twitter
If we’re conversing in DMs or if I reply to your story, I really do not need the double-tap to let me know you liked it or even that you saw it. That feature has somehow become a way to put a period on a conversation and I really just don’t understand it. Do we expressly need that validation? You can just “see” my message and go back to what you’re doing and I won’t be mad at you! That’s how it should be!
In: Being horny
Ever since I started to allow myself to be horny online my third eye has opened and I feel, generally, much more satiated. I mean, this newsletter alone is 30% horniness. Believe it or not, being horny is underrated! It feels like there’s still a firm stigma when it comes to expressing sexuality and desire publicly. Not really shocking to anyone, but we’re all only human! I don’t want to be on my death bed wishing that I had spent more time basking in my horniness. (Obviously like, don’t be weird about it though. Duh.)
Out: Not reading the sodium percentages on nutrition labels
My mom has drilled this into my head. I am obsessed with sodium levels to the point where it’s almost annoying. I can’t concern myself with them when I’m eating takeout (again, takeout is out), so almost everything I eat comes directly from a grocery store. I read every single nutrition label. Maybe it’s the hypertension that runs in my family but high sodium foods just make me feel like utter shit. If I eat anything that has above 15% of the daily recommended portion of sodium in one serving, my face swells to the point that it looks like I replaced my mouthwash with bees.
In: Gut health
Probiotics are the sexiest thing you can consume this summer. Kombucha never goes out of style - neither does having a healthy gut, contributing to less bloating and irregularity. This is a very anti-bloat summer!
Out: Talking about your time at NYU
Nothing could be duller than hearing an anecdote about your time at the world’s most insufferable institution. Even worse: talking about your time at NYU as if you’re trying to relatably say how bad it is. You lost the privilege when you graduated! Isn’t a golden ticket degree, like, enough for you?
In: Public colleges
Affordable education makes you just as hireable and knowledgeable as any private institution, baby!
Out: Stripes
I will not explain this one further.
In: Fake piercings
Some people would say that fake piercings are lame. I’m telling you that they are, in fact, better than real piercings and should be worn with pride. Commitment to visual aesthetics, while admirable, is not In for this summer. This summer is all about being able to change your look at the drop of a hat.
Out: Greek Yogurt
Something I’ve noticed is that Greek yogurt sort of feels like normal yogurt now? Like the default yogurt is greek. Does anyone buy a regular Yoplait anymore? This would kill at The Comedy Cellar. Anyway, something I’ve also noticed is that Greek yogurt brands love cramming their products full of fucking sugar unless you’re buying the plain version. And sometimes I don’t want plain! Sometimes I want a mild vanilla flavor without barrels of added sugar. Chobani would rather file for bankruptcy than make that a reality for me.
In: Icelandic Yogurt
Icelandic yogurt, or skyr, is both milder and higher in protein than Greek Yogurt, with a normal amount of added sugar that’s actually suitable for human consumption. Reasonably more expensive, though. But worth every penny!
Out: Going to Pride
There’s a line in Season 1, Episode 14 of Gossip Girl, (“The Blair Bitch Project”) where Blair’s minion Penelope references a then-trendy New York restaurant, saying, “Not going to Butter is so much better than going to Butter.” The same can be said with Pride. Apart from all of the fake discourse surrounding it on Twitter, it’s just not very fun! Still too corporate, still no place within a 100-mile radius to pee. Celebrate by hanging out with your friends somewhere else!
In: Modjo’s “Lady (Hear Me Tonight)”
Even if you’re not going to Pride, you should still be listening to this underrated Pride anthem. It’s very much giving J.Lo in the “Get Right” video saying, “I’m at the gay club.”
Out: Plant parent culture
Plants are great! They just don’t substitute for a personality. And if you call yourself a “plant dad” I’m sorry but I will take off running!!!!!!!!
In: Stuffed animal parent culture
This ones out of my hands, it comes directly from a certain Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta.
Out: Britney’s Instagram
We all love it, but once you’ve got a podcast dissecting it and the hosts of that podcast are appearing in an unauthorized, sensational documentary about her life and conservatorship, you’re taking the earnest fun out of following Britney Spears’ Instagram account. Why spend time analyzing “coded messages” when you could just enjoy Britney walking down one of the sixty hallways in her palatial mansion and modeling Wet Seal dresses? While it will always be In-adjacent, we need to give it a break for awhile and cheer Britney on from the sidelines.
In: Sarah Jessica Parker’s Instagram
While SJP is also perma-In, her content is diverse enough to really keep providing for the long haul. This is more than just mom memes and dance videos, it’s really a way of life and a guidebook to living like you crushed up an Adderall with mushrooms and posted through it.
Out: Tweeting more than 10 times a day
If I can scroll through your account and see at least one tweet for every hour of the day, you should be considered an enemy of the state. This goes for me too. We must attack mental illness from the root.
In: Instagram photo dumps
Sorry, but photo dumps are staying in. They’re not only completely innocuous, but they’re a great way of documenting time and experiences. I love flicking my giant sausage thumbs through a carousel of photos you took that have no rhyme or reason for being posted together. I’m being earnest!!!!
Out: Album mixes
Especially if they’re under 3 minutes long. Yes, I’m talking to you, Bebe Rexha’s “Sacrifice”!
In: Remixes
See: the upcoming reworks of Chromatica and Born This Way.
Out: Showing up anywhere completely dry
Who do you think you are? What season do you think this is? Get a life!
In: Being sweaty
You’re no one unless you’ve got a little (or a lot of) shine this summer. I wanna see the glistening.
Thank you for being here for 50 editions of this newsletter!!!!!! The ultimate IN for Summer 2021 is supporting your friends and creators, which is something you have done for me over the last six months and I truly could not be more grateful. Whether you’re supporting this newsletter with monthly monetary contributions, weekly views, the occasional share, or just opening and closing an email once in a while, I cannot thank you enough for it. It all means so much to me. I love you! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you again on Monday. 💖