It's Okay To Cry
The immeasurable loss of SOPHIE, keeping sane amidst grief with a four-hour Wendy Williams block, Glenn Close & Pete Davidson need a buddy comedy, and more
Good afternoon, evening, morning, or whenever you’re reading this. We’re going to do things a little differently this week: no standard Top Shelf to Low Brow rating. Instead, we’re just going to talk about some of the things that happened over the past week on this typical sort of strange pop culture scale I work with. What qualifies? I only know when I see it happen.
To say I am still torn up by the loss of the inimitable, revolutionary Sophie Xeon after her tragic passing just two days ago would be a complete understatement. Sophie was a figure who was so endlessly inspiring, one whose mere presence in the world made me so happy to be alive. I’ve been thinking about her nonstop the last two days and dreamed about her last night. Frankly, it’s hard to think about anything else other than her — and I didn’t even know her personally. That’s just the kind of influence she had on people. She brought you into her whole new world.
So today, while I watch Brooklyn get blanketed with mounds of fresh snow from the comfort, warmth, and safety of my bedroom, I just want to talk about some things that gave me some real joy in the last week. And I thank you for joining me today to do so (and apologize for any typos, I don’t have the bandwidth for more than one proofread today).
(A Slighty Different) Top Shelf, Low Brow: January 25 – January 31
A Wendylicious Four Hours
After a difficult Saturday, I was relieved that the stars had aligned and I still had one thing that I knew, without a doubt, would make me smile: the four-hour block of original Wendy Williams content on Lifetime.
It began at 8pm with the Wendy Williams: The Movie, a classic Lifetime biopic about the legendary radio personality and talk show host. True to Lifetime’s typical style, it was overdramatic, salacious, and perfect. I’m such a huge fan of films that are so obviously filmed in Canada yet really make a concerted effort to hammer-in the fact that they’re set in New York. In Wendy Williams: The Movie, this is done by an exterior skyline shot every 3-5 minutes. And not just an exterior skyline shot, but one that is sure to include an unmistakable view of the Twin Towers to drive home the point: this scene takes place before 2001! Don’t forget! When most of your budget is going towards paying the actors and crew, getting them all to Canada, and taking proper pandemic precautions to ensure their safety, you can’t spend all that much on costumes, props, and set design to convey a pre-Millenium New York, so the Twin Towers were appreciated! There really is no piece of iconography that screams its time period more than that. But I loved how, in case you still forgot or maybe were up to grab a snack and missed another exterior shot, you could get an idea of what year a scene was set in by what hair Wendy was wearing.
Ciera Payton, who played Williams, turned out to be a fabulous casting decision – which isn’t surprising, as Wendy was an executive producer on the film. But in some scenes, I really did have to do a double-take to make sure I wasn’t looking at the actual Wendy. She was that good! Now I obviously can’t say the same for the script or the rest of the cast, Aaron Sorkin doesn’t come cheap and Lifetime’s budget is only so big. But they certainly leaned into making it as over-the-top as Wendy Williams is in her real life, and it was exactly what I needed for my Saturday evening.
But the real action was in the second half of the four-hour block, which saw the debut of a documentary so shocking, so compelling, and so entertaining that Agnès Varda was twirling in her grave. I’m talking of course about Wendy Williams: What a Mess!, a second film executive-produced by the titular icon herself that features — and I’m not kidding — at least 40 hard cuts to Wendy laying on her couch and breaking into tears while holding a comically large chalice of apple juice.
As much as I love to laugh when it comes to Wendy Williams, I really am a major fan. I’ve been watching her show for years, and often enjoy curling up on the couch after my boyfriend goes to bed to sink into the segments from that morning’s show. As Williams would say about several celebrities, she’s a friend in my head. I genuinely love her! And what a life and a career. The documentary covers it all: Wendy is a survivor of sexual assault; she’s gone through multiple miscarriages; she endured years of cheating and deceit from her ex-husband that ended in their son getting a half-brother! If anyone deserved a Lifetime programming block, it’s Wendy fucking Williams. I cried for Wendy on Saturday night, for all she has been through and all she has done to come out on top. She’s genuinely remarkable.
But of course, Wendy is Wendy, and even when discussing tough subjects, her signature pattern of speaking sometimes gets in the way. While talking about her time in sober living, Williams revealed that her parents both had strokes within one week of each other. Through tears, she tried to reassure producers that they were healthy at the time of filming, but in signature Wendy fashion, she said the following: “They were, they-they’re not…strokealicious now.”
As I buried my head in my hands, unable to keep from crumpling into an absolute fit of laughter — the hardest I had laughed all day — I silently sent up some gratitude for Wendy Williams. Who else? She is one of the funniest people to ever live, without ever even trying to be. My favorite mess.
Glenn and & Pete? Can’t Be Beat!
Whoever decided that seven-time Oscar nominee Glenn Close would be best paired with comedian and actor Pete Davidson for this year’s Variety Studio: Actors on Actors collection, I’ll never be able to repay you. You spoke up. You were courageous enough to do what’s right for the world, what we needed most in the first month of 2021. Without this, without them, without you, we’d be left in the dark.
Actors on Actors is one of my favorite yearly traditions. I mean, what else could give me the opportunity to watch Jamie Lee Curtis probe Lady Gaga, while Gaga was wearing a hat, about her first major acting role on American Horror Story while Gaga inquired about Curtis’ time on Scream Queens? I’ll never forget it. Something I’ve always loved about the series is that it finds very true, honest similarities between its pairings to connect them in ways that ignite very true, very engaging conversations. Glenn Close and Pete Davidson both have personal connections to addiction and bipolar disorder and talk so candidly about it, with such grace and kindness. It’s so sweet to watch them relate to one another, sharing tales about their lives and laughing at each other’s jokes. Davidson thought Glenn Close was British until preparing for their interview! I mean, these are the kinds of things that Actors on Actors is giving us that we’re just not going to get anywhere else!
I wish Pete Davidson got to ask Glenn Close about a better movie than Hillbilly Elegy. I wish Glenn Close got to ask Pete Davidson about a better movie than The King of Staten Island. But you get what you get and you don’t get upset. And I got nearly half an hour of Pete Davidson being hot (don’t question me on this, I won’t budge) on terrible WiFi and Glenn Close in a red blouse talking about 101 Dalmatians, Fatal Attraction, the way she connects to the characters she plays, and her usage of Instagram. And that’s more than enough to hold me through at least until March.
As a Society, We Must Get Lindsay Lohan to Lower Her Cameo Fee
This week, a young woman made a TikTok talking about how she wanted to come out to her parents but didn’t quite have the courage to do it herself, so she asked Lindsay Lohan via Cameo if she would help her do it. If you’re unfamiliar, Cameo is an app where B-to-D List public figures will send you a video message — for a price. I have one from former Real Housewife of New York Kelly Bensimon. I paid to get one for my boyfriend from The Cock Destroyers. And I’ve been wishing I had a massive expendable income to be able to get one from Lindsay Lohan, but more on that in a second.
Lohan, who has never gotten enough credit for how truly sweet she can be, responded to the young girl’s cameo request like this:
“I know that you are about to take a very big step in telling your parents, you know, who you truly are and what you want them to accept of you, um, and I think that you should do it yourself! I think that coming from you, you’ll feel a lot of power and strength and it’s important that you are who you truly are and that you love yourself and that you can live by that and tell your parents that. And I promise you they will understand. I’m sending you lots of love, all the love and all the strength and support. And God bless you, stay true to yourself, you’re truly beautiful. And Godspeed, lots of love and good luck!”
It’s so beyond sweet, so lovely, and so truly the right approach to the request. Lindsay Lohan was the first celebrity I ever truly loved after I became obsessed with The Parent Trap as a kid, so I’m always pleased to see La Lohan looking healthy, happy, and lucid, making sense after so many years of misguided statements.
What is crazy, though, is that Lohan is $400 to book on Cameo! And even before I checked again just now, I’m almost certain that she was $450 not too long ago! Listen, put your money to whatever you want as long as it’s not harming anyone, but it’s just a little bonkers to pay at least $400(!!!!!!) for Lindsay Lohan to come out to your parents for you. My coming out only cost $34, which was the combined cost of a physical copy of Madonna’s Hard Candy and the first season of Gossip Girl on sale at Target — yes, that was my one GG mention.
And why Lohan? Are they superfans like me? Have they bought A Little More Personal (Raw) on the new Urban Outfitters exclusive vinyl pressing yet? Did they watch Among The Shadows, Lohan’s 2019 film where she plays a vampire in a political power struggle with an elected cabinet of werewolves? I’m just so curious to know how this girl chose Lohan for this and how long it took her to be okay with paying that much money for the video. The backstory is arguably more fascinating than Lohan’s response.
Either way, I think Lohan did the right thing! God-Speed-the-Plow, TikTok girl!
Walk a Mile in These Louboutins…
I cannot stop thinking about the ads for this game called High Heels. Several nights I’ve gone to bed, closed my little eyes, and gotten just seconds from drifting off into a peaceful night’s sleep when my brain decides to fire off, “I FOUND A GAME FOR BADDIES!”
The other day while I was in the shower, I grabbed the bar of soap and instantly it slipped through my hands and flew through the air. Surprisingly, I caught it with light speed reflexes I didn’t even know that I had. Immediately, without thinking, I said out loud to myself, “Oh ma gawd, she on X-Games mode,” and proceeded to laugh so hard I almost slipped.
I downloaded High Heels the other day, ready and willing to lose myself in several inane levels for an hour or so. Glitch, app close. I tried to open it again. Glitch, app close. I couldn’t even get to the title screen. Disappointment doesn’t even begin to cover it. They don’t want me to be a baddie.
Stop Trying to Crush My Dreams With a Cloverfield Sequel Announcement!
In the latest of a long line of fakeouts, The Hollywood Reporter broke the news this week that a direct sequel to one of my all-time favorite films, Cloverfield, is in the works at Paramount. Yeah yeah, nice try, but we’ve been doing this little song and dance for thirteen years now. When I was in 8th grade, there was a good two months where I’d get home from school and run from the door of my mom’s van to the family computer to dive onto the IMDb boards for the Cloverfield page. I’d spend hours and hours sifting through pages of fan theories and website rabbit holes tied to the film’s viral marketing ARG (alternate reality game, for the uninitiated). I was so fucking fascinated by the mystery surrounding the film and how cleverly the producers and team working on the marketing had woven a backstory so gripping that it felt like its own completely separate story. And if you know me, you know that I begged my sister to accompany me to the movie theater the day after January 18, 2008 (my parents would not risk motion sickness), and a lifelong obsession with Cloverfield was born.
For years, I’ve been subjected to J.J. Abrams, Matt Reeves, and countless studio reps assuring that a direct sequel would come. At first, I was hopeful. Positive, even! How could my precious second father John-Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt Abrams let me down? Of course he was going to capitalize on the success of the most interesting thing he had ever done — Lost be damned! Who the hell was watching Fringe?! And yet, the years passed and my resolve, my hope, and my faith were beaten down by broken promises, and eventually, silence.
Until January 2016, that is. That’s when I first saw the trailer for a little movie called 10 Cloverfield Lane. FINALLY! THIS WAS IT! THE SEQUEL THAT I HAD BEEN ANTICIPATING FOR NEARLY A DECADE! And to my shock, awe, and childlike delight, there was another viral ARG to go along with it! I chastised myself for ever losing hope. How could I have been so blind?
And then I saw the film (more than a week early, mind you – I wormed my way into exclusive prescreening tickets). It was, by no means, a bad film. In fact, I loved it. It 10CL is a tight, fun, extremely tense thriller with knockout performances, remarkable pacing, and a satisfying payoff. It just wasn’t the payoff I wanted. Where was my beloved monster?
So I waited again. Another two years spent placated by assurances that another film would come. Then, in early February 2018, news broke that a new Cloverfield movie was going to be released on Netflix that night. Along with my boyfriend, a fellow Cloverhead, I stayed up to watch it despite having work early the next morning. How could I not? Ava Duvernay was so bold to say that its release was “history in the making!”
And that was The Cloverfield Paradox. If you’ve seen it, you know why I’m only more suspicious of this news of a “direct sequel” than I ever have been before. Paradox gave us an iconic ending shot that finally brought the original monster back into the narrative, but that was it. One glimpse after 90 minutes after ten years!
So forgive me if I’m not quick to jump for joy at this news. I’ll believe it’s happening when I see a trailer. And I don’t want any bullshit. It better be clear to me in that very first teaser that this is a direct sequel and not another film purchased by Bad Robot and retooled to be shoehorned into the “franchise.”
And by that I mean I’ll be first in line to purchase a ticket. And maybe the only one, as I suspect no one reading this besides me cares much anymore.
A final bit about the out-of-this-world Sophie Xeon.
Lastly, I want to talk a little bit more about Sophie. I never, ever been this affected by the death of someone I didn’t personally know. To listen to Sophie’s music was to take a journey to the cosmos through a wormhole that opened up on a dance floor. The songs she produced were so imbued with love and emotion and stories that it almost seemed like she had brought them in from some strange planet, another universe where she had access to sounds that were not yet privy to humans until she was sent here to so graciously share them with us.
In the horribly short time she was here she gave us so much. Her catalog — both of music officially released and unreleased projects she hadn’t yet put out/maybe never even had formal plans to — was so expansive, it’s staggering how skillfully she was able to make music that conveyed every emotion on the spectrum. And entirely new ones as well. Sophie tapped into feelings you didn’t know you had, feelings you didn’t know it was possible to have. Her music drove curiosity and endless inspiration from her listeners and anyone lucky enough to be in her orbit. She changed the world. She lived so firmly, so unapologetically, in her transness. She really did teach so many that they can be anything they want, defying any kind of traditional boundary of life or creativity or love or gender or sex or music or identity.
I’ll miss her for as long as I live.
Thanks for being with me here today and reading. It felt good to write about some other things I loved from last week that I had almost forgotten about entirely until now. Depending on how I feel, I may send out a longer letter about Sophie, her music, her style, and her influence on me sometime this week, but I’m not sure yet. Either way, I’ll see you again on Friday for a more lighthearted letter diving back into the legend of Fergie Ferg.
See you then. Take care. 💖