Happy International Women's Day to Oprah Saying "WHAT."
Meghan Markle sparkles, Bethenny Frankel in crisis, the Albanian Pop Girl Factory turns out another hit, St. Vincent pays her way in pain, and more rated Top Shelf to Low Brow
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Hello and welcome back to Top Shelf, Low Brow! After a little hard reset of my wiring, I’ve recharged my batteries and I’m ready to write another day. As the weather gets warmer, I’ve been forced to begrudgingly start my Spring/Summer 2021 playlist, which has been saving me the last few days!
How is everyone doing now that we’re one week into March? Last night, as I was watching CBS Sunday Morning as I do every Sunday night, I nearly burst into tears at a “COVID, one-year-in” package. If you’re with your family during all of this, do me a favor and give them an extra hug for me today. I don’t have much more to say than that, but I hope you’ve all had a nice Monday so far and I appreciate you coming back here after I took a break from last Friday’s letter. Now, onward.
Top Shelf, Low Brow: March 1 — March 8
Okay, Maybe I Care About The Royals for a Second…
I was under the impression none of us had cable anymore? And yet everyone was watching Oprah’s interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry? I figured maybe I could grab a free trial for Paramount Plus and be able to watch it immediately after the fact, but no? They don’t even have it uploaded today? Another point against Paramount Plus, which so far has no reason to exist, but I digress. Anyway! I found the interview online and watched it this morning.
There are few things I love more than a good, dishy, high-profile Oprah interview. I was present for Gaga’s “I am........the whole universe” interview for Oprah’s Next Chapter and of COURSE made time in my freshman orientation week at FIT to watch Oprah ask Lindsay Lohan, “So what is the truth?” on the same program. Full disclosure, I don’t pay much attention to the royals. Most of my knowledge of anything monarchy-related is purely peripheral — I don’t think it’s surprising to anyone that I’m more interested in Dutchess Fergie of Ferg than Duchess Fergie of York — but I love Meghan Markle and her story, I think Prince Harry is sexy, and I haven’t gotten nearly as many of Oprah’s contemplative “hmmms” in the last year as I would’ve liked.
After watching, I can’t say I’m particularly any more interested in the royals than I was before! Who I AM interested in are Meghan and Harry! I want to know more about Meghan’s time working at a frozen yogurt shop called Humphrey Yogart. I wanted more of Oprah saying, “were you silenT or were you silencED,” and her flabbergasted “WHAT.” When Meghan said people in the monarchy were discussing how dark her son’s skin would be, Oprah and I said WHAT. at the same time!
I believe every single word she said because what reason does she have to lie? They’ve already stepped away from their royal responsibilities, and all the people who were so quick to dismiss her as an “outsider,” someone who wanted to shake up their beloved royal family, probably won’t believe her either way. Why not dish out some truth to try and have some sway on people who don’t really know all that much about the situation to begin with, like me. Meghan even held things back, she didn’t reveal which member of the family had that conversation with Prince Harry about their son. I mean, we can all guess, but she could’ve!
If there’s one thing we can be sure of, it’s that it’s time for the monarchy to go! Is there any point to it besides to cushion the weird fantasies of 30-year old white girls leftover from Tumblr who refuse to grow up from their dreams of fairytales and royalty? Again, know next to nothing about British politics, so.
I’m grateful for this interview, not just because it’s giving me some insight into the royal family to prep me for Kristen Stewart in Spencer, but because I think this is a valuable conversation that needs to be had and I find it extremely admirable that a Black woman who has faced so much needless vitriol and hate, both from the press and the people, has the courage to continuously speak and to defy, while also advocating for mental health resources at the same time.
(Rating: Top Shelf. Getting me to care about the royals is a lofty task, and this accomplished it! I really admire Meghan.)
Bethenny, please don’t make me delete my Bethenny Reaction Memes folder. #ThisIsACrisis
Vehemently hitching your wagon to any Real Housewife is often a mistake. Even the most likable, respectable/least-problematic ones have been known to plant a foot firmly in their mouths from time to time. Case in point, Bethenny Frankel regarding the Meghan and Harry interview. As a Bethenny follower, she tends to think that despite being a megamillionaire, she still has an outsider’s perspective on pop culture. For example:
This is just crazy. This is me when I take a nap from 2002-2014. Hello? Whitney Houston’s interview with Diane Sawyer? Any infamous Britney interview? I can rattle off at least seven celebrity interviews people have been obsessing over long after the Monica Lewinsky interview. But then Frankel doubled down on an already objectively false take with some needless criticism, placing herself in the hottest of waters:
There’s not much to say other than how disappointing it is to see her not have a great deal of perspective in these situations. It would seem to me that because Bethenny has worked with so many who have suffered in the last four years with her B Strong foundation, she can’t pull herself out of that bubble to see that a woman thrust into global megafame clearly had legitimate struggles, especially as a Black woman in an institution that is about as white as they come, in every sense of the word. Nevermind that Bethenny hadn’t even seen the interview yet! Her half-apology came in the form of attributing it to her “unfiltered” personality, which just can’t fly anymore. There’s a way to filter an unfiltered personality so as to think rationally before you tweet without compromising the off-the-cuff demeanor that you made your name on.
(Rating: Low Brow. Try coming from a place of no, just for once!)
The Albanian Pop Girl Takeover Continues
Last Friday, perennial meme queen and Lay’s potato chip proponent Bebe Rexha released a new dance-pop, house-tinged smacker that hits harder than a jalapeno kettle chip. “Sacrifice” is her moment to beg her lover to give themselves over to her with no compromises, but ironically the song sacrifices a bridge and final chorus that could really turn it into a powerhouse. Even the video has potential for greatness but ends seemingly out of nowhere, even though I will give credit where credit is due and say that a Blade blood rave dance scene makes it entirely worthwhile. Despite the song being criminally short, it’s still an early contender for one of my favorite songs of the year (or at least the season) and has me wondering: What is it in the Albanian genes that makes these girls so capable of delivering?
Besides Rexha, there are at least three other women of Albanian descent putting out some great songs lately. Of course, there’s Dua Lipa, who may have dropped the ball with Future Nostalgia: Moonlight Edition’s lackluster new offerings but should still be rightfully lauded for making one of the best albums of 2020. Then, there's fellow COVID-Careless Character Rita Ora, who found time between her maskless ventures of the past year to put together an EP that’s better than both of her studio albums combined, even if the artwork was a blatant reproduction of Rina Sawayama’s self-titled album aesthetic. Ora’s “Bang Bang,” which samples the Beverly Hills Cop theme — or, as millennials may know it, Crazy Frog’s “Axel F” — has been pulling me through the last round of my SELF Cardio HIIT workout for a couple weeks running now.
And then there’s Ava Max, our fourth Albanian in the lineup who finally released her debut album Heaven & Hell last year after about 67 singles of varying quality. While I wasn’t thrilled with most of that record, she did tack another song onto it in November that dragged me across the floor, pinned me against a wall, and made me remember not to underestimate anyone who is willing to commit to one haircut (wig) as their entire career gimmick. “My Head and My Heart” samples ATC’s 2000 single “Around The World (La La La La La),” to great success. And paired with Rita Ora’s similarly sampling single, Bebe Rexha’s vampiric vocal, and Dua Lipa’s raved-about record, the Albanian girls certainly have more than a few tricks up their sleeves to keep me interested for a long time to come. No one can balk at these Balkans!
(Rating: Top Shelf)
Speaking of Albania, I’m obsessed with this TikTok.
Daddy’s Home, but not in Brooklyn
Last Saturday, I strapped on two masks and two sneakers to hit the pavement and look for St. Vincent’s Daddy’s Home promotional posters in Brooklyn. Armed with a kombucha bottle filled with sugar-free Red Bull and a spray bottle of hand sanitizer in my Trader Joe’s tote bag, I was ready to literally do some boots on the ground reporting and find out exactly where these posters were using my knowledge of some frequent poster spots that I’ve attained from my years traipsing all over this borough as a dog walker.
Unfortunately, none of my leads panned out, and Annie Clark was nowhere to be found. But that doesn’t deter my excitement for her album! Especially after hearing “Pay Your Way In Pain,” the album’s scuzzy first single. Like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character in The Deuce meets Bowie and then thrust out onto the streets of 1970s New York, the song perfectly transcends time to take the gritty, grimy sounds of a seventies city and press it to wax in 2021, in a way that only St. Vincent can do. There’s something about her commitment to her individual era aesthetics that never feels gimmicky or like a character, more like new facets of Clark’s personality that could always be heard somewhere before emerging for their moment in the light, and I already love this blonde Cassavetes ingenue persona so much. I can’t wait for Daddy’s Home, and, of course, am claiming “…At The Holiday Party” as my favorite track now, just by name alone.
Now I just need a trailer for Clark’s mockumentary film with Carrie Brownstein, The Nowhere Inn, and I can be set for a few more months!
(Rating: Top Shelf)
I’m thinking a lot about this tweet
I love Kelis so much. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about integrity and what we’re willing to do to compromise it. That’s another conversation for another day, but I’ll be coming back to this sentiment for a long time to come.
Not Jennifer Lopez Being Goofy I-🤪
(Rating: Jenny from The Tub…)
Baby this is Keke Palmer. This is motherfucking Ke-ke Palmer. Have a good day.
I’m still not over this video resurfacing, it’s one of the greatest short comedy sketches of our time:
And because she is forever in on the joke, Keke Palmer has now lent her blessing:
(Rating: Top Shelf. Also I’ll never forget when the only merch Starbucks sold was Norah Jones CDs and DVD copies of Akeelah and the Bee)
Happy 10th Birthday to Kim Kardashian’s “Jam”
I watched the brief leaked snippet of the scrapped Hype Williams-helmed video for this classic song just this weekend, without knowing that the song’s anniversary would be a day later! Thank you to Ciara for many things (including your top-to-bottom great self-titled album), but largely for encouraging Kim to do this song, even though she hates it and won’t put it on streaming.
These photos of Orlando Bloom……….
Interesting to say the least. It must be an incredible feeling to be Katy Perry and know that no matter how well your last album performed, no one can take away from the fact that you come home to this every day.
(Rating: If I Speak……..Top Shelf)
Zara Larsson said “Come and get your Swedish meatballs at the IKEA cafeteria”
I just learned yesterday via email that Swedish singer Zara Larsson is performing in a virtual concert for International Women’s Day sponsored by IKEA…which I love. She said I’m not gonna let y’all forget that this blonde ain’t from a bottle! It’s unfortunate that IKEA cafeterias are currently closed in compliance with indoor dining regulations because I’d love to see them give out some free copies of Larsson’s new album Poster Girl with every meatball purchase. Speaking of, I gave a lip-sync performance of “FFF” in my kitchen on Saturday that I do believe ended several careers. Next time I have to go to IKEA, I dream of hearing that song echoing through the sound system while I frantically try to navigate their store with a full bladder just looking for one bathroom in that fucking maze after taking two trains, three ferries, a shuttle, and a pedicab to get to the Brooklyn location.
(Rating: Top Shelf. Also I just remembered I have new pillows I ordered from IKEA still waiting to be opened so thank you Zara Larsson!)
GOING TO PRESS: Glenn Close posts Facebook mom memes edition
Breaking news, Glenn Close has posted one of my all-time favorite Facebook mom memes to Instagram in honor of International Women’s Day.
I send this to my best friend every time I see it, I can’t believe Ms. Close posted it unironically. God, I love her. Let me watch Hillbilly Elegy…
(Rating: Top Shelf)
Well, that’s all for this week! It’s high time I go make myself a salad for dinner. Thanks for being here and I’ll see you all Friday, if not sooner to publish the letter that was due last week (which I may just save for Friday, not sure yet!). Anyway, have a great week, angels!